Tips for discussing the need of a nursing home with a loved one

worried elderly - retirement home placement in Kansas City

In a previous article we discussed some warning signs and tips to evaluate whether a nursing home or assisted living scenario was a smart choice for the care of your loved one (click here). Discussing this type of care with seniors can be a very difficult, sensitive and emotional topic that needs to be approached with a delicate hand.

The medically trained professionals at Cherished Transitions in Kansas City have not only been able to help many through this process; but have had this discussion with their loved one as well.

Below are some tips and considerations to think about when discussing the need of a nursing home with the parents or loved one.

It May Not Be a Surprise

For many seniors that still have a good portion of their mental faculties, but are lacking in medical mobility, you will find they’ve already been considering the need of a nursing home or assisted care facility in Kansas City. Often times they are just as nervous to talk about it as you are… Much of this determination will be based upon their current level of mobility compared to the assistance needed from a family member.

For example: if the parent is living with you; the discussion might be different than if your elderly loved one is on their own.

  • If your elderly loved one is currently living with you and relying on a level of care from a family member, the discussion may be uncomfortable if their mobility needs are being met. If, however, they feel that their mobility needs exceed the ability of the family member (and their mental processes are not clouded because of age or medical condition) they would more be open to speaking about increasing their quality of life and care.
  • If the elderly loved one is out on their own, they already know their limitations and are going to be more open to alternatives to give them a better quality of life. There are issues of pride that will need to be considered as well and will discuss further into the article.

Note: Keep your ears open because they may be dropping subtle hints that they might want to go to an assisted living or retirement community. Clues like “My friend fell the other day and was found on the floor in her kitchen, I dread to think that one of you kids would come home to find me that way…”

considering retirement - retirement home placement in Kansas City

The Right Motive

This topic is just as sensitive as considering an assisted living or retirement facility for your loved one. Having the right motive when considering such a life-changing decision for a parent or loved one requires a little soul-searching. Take time to examine your motives by asking yourself some important and direct questions:

  • Am I looking into assisted living for my loved one to better their quality of life?… or mine?
  • Am I looking to relieve my responsibilities as the caretaker for my loved one?
  • Are there financial constraints that make caring for a loved one difficult or unlikely?
  • Are there relationship issues that would make caring for a loved one uncomfortable within the home?

Your elderly parent has been around long enough to sense the sincerity of your proposition. If your decision to move your elderly loved one into an assisted living or retirement home is anything other than that of their best interest and well-being… they probably will pick up on that and be left with the impression that they are simply not wanted anymore. Careful evaluation of all the factors involved with such a life-changing decision are important, so that you can help make the transition as smooth as possible.

Do Your Homework

This is a great opportunity to reach out to an organization such as Cherished Transitions in Kansas City. Assessment of your elderly loved one’s physical condition will help in making a determination as to what level of managed care will be needed. Mobility, independence, medication, health and stability are all areas of evaluation for managed care. If an assisted living or nursing home in Kansas City is determined to be the best option for your elderly loved one; the registered nurses at Cherished Transitions can provide you with information on which senior living community will best meet the needs of your elderly loved one. It is always easier to speak with your loved one about options when you actually have some; take some time to work with our caring staff to provide the best options, facility tours and recommendations based upon solid facts.

Talking with a parent - retirement home placement in Kansas CityPutting Out Some Feelers

Maybe not the most scientific term, but simply asking some open-ended questions to your elderly loved one to see what kind of response that you get back. Questions like:

  • “I remember you saying you had a doctor’s appointment, how did that go?”
  • “You need me to take you anywhere?”
  • “The house is looking great, you must work hard to keep it that way…”
  • “I remember you had a close friend __________ have you spoke with them recently?”

These types of open-ended questions can start up a conversation that will help you make a determination as to their mobility restrictions, frame of mind and social interaction.

For example: if their answer to “You need me to take you anywhere?” is something like “I don’t go anywhere because it’s too difficult to get around”… That would be an indication that their mobility is restricted and their quality of life might be suffering for it.

Your Cherished Care Placement Specialist is standing by to assist you with your FREE Senior Living Community Placement evaluation.
Call (913) 378-4322 Today to get started!

Playing the Proper Role

When dealing with an elderly loved one, especially a parent, it is important to work with them rather than against them. Children often, when placed in this situation, want to be a problem solver… providing a solution that is best for them, rather than what is best for everyone. Nursing homes are filled with parents who feel abandoned and neglected because their children made a decision without involving them in the process. While it is understandable that there are circumstances where medically they’re not fit to make a decision for themselves, the emotional scars that can be left by this type of forced decision can affect the quality of life of your elderly loved one for many years to come. By working together with your elderly loved one and having them come to the conclusion that an assisted living community or retirement home would be best to benefit their quality of life, will make the process much smoother and more productive.

Keep the Drama on TV

Avoid negative, dramatic presentations such as telling them: your house is a mess, you need help, I’m tired of dragging you around, you look awful, your driving is going to kill somebody someday. Your elderly loved one probably already feels like they’re being a burden; there’s no reason to add to it.

Rather start up conversations that might bring them to the conclusion that they might be better at an assisted living or retirement community.

elderly - retirement home placement in Kansas City

Dealing with an Independent Person

This is one of the more difficult circumstances to approach, when someone refuses to give up their independence. Before you call them stubborn and unreasonable, place yourself in their shoes and think of how you might feel if someone was contemplating your future.

The negative stigma that assisted living and retirement communities have received over the years plays heavily into this mindset of resistance. If you can get your elderly loved one to at least admit that their quality of life is suffering because of their inability to take care of themselves, this is the first and greatest step towards getting them the help that they need.

At Cherished Transitions we recommend taking them on a tour of a potential community in Kansas City as soon as possible. Once they see that assisted living and retirement communities are not the dungeons they suspect them to be, they’ll be much more open to the discussion.

Here to Make the Difference

Cherished Transitions, serving the residents of Kansas City and surrounding communities, was established to provide insightful information from a loving, caring staff. The medically trained professionals here have experience in the variables of senior placement and can help you through the process as well as finding the right community that will meet your loved one’s medical needs. The placement services from Cherished Transitions are provided at no cost to you. Be sure to trust your local, professional senior living solutions service that relies on the expert judgment of registered nurses rather than just trained salespeople.

Useful Links

To learn more about the services offered by Cherished Transitions in Kansas City – Click Here

To get started with your no cost, no obligation evaluation – Click Here